Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
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You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
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Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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