the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
