Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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