i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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