I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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