im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
