I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
