oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We need to rekindle our bromance
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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