i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
