Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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