i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
