Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
