I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
