Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize