why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
