dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
