i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
