if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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