I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
