So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
