Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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