I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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