3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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