I'm gonna have a badass scar
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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