she looked like the before picture.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
