I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
