I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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