i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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