my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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