He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
