5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
