FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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