I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
