i think my mom watched the whole time
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
