I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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