is your mom at the bar?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
