oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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