therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
