I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
