Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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