Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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