He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
