i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
