I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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