I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
