Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
