Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
