If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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