fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
