he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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