During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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