We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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