I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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