Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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