Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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