Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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