We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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