What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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