i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
