Pappa wants mamma naked
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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