she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
