I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
