Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
