And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
