She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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