Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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