I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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