Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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