I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
