Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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