remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
