Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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