i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just found puke in my bra..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I deserve this hangover.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
