I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize